While going through our office yesterday, I stumbled onto a folder of paperwork from a psychology course I took at BJU that dealt with depression and behavior disorders. I set it aside because I knew I’d want to re-read through it at a later date.
After breakfast this morning, and while Drew was running from one end of the house to the other (he’s allowed to roam free now and he is enjoying every minute of it), I decided that now was as good a time as any and curled up on the couch and read through case studies, notes I’d taken, and many articles.
I’ll be honest. I was looking for something to put my finger on and say – THERE. THAT is where “they” are wrong and THIS is why depression does exist and why medicine should be used. If you’ve read any of what I’ve written on depression, you’ll remember that I took a course in Nouthetic Counseling and until the past year or so have believed strongly that depression did not exist and that antidepressants were foolish. And then, WHAM. I got depressed. And hooboy, did I change my mind. 😉
It wasn’t a flippant change at all, though. I really struggled with it and prayed and continued to think that I was just blue and I’d get out of it eventually. But when my thoughts began dwelling on suicide and I began breaking things all over the house (on purpose), I knew I had to at least go to the doctor and see if there was something physical going on. I have a wonderful Christian doctor who is really on MY side about all of this. She believes that medicine AND therapy/counseling/working through issues in your life is the answer. But she first checked me out physically and saw nothing wrong. We talked over many issues and she asked me question after question and then diagnosed me with clinical depression due to a chemical imbalance. In my class in college I remember my professor saying that there isn’t a medical test that a doctor can give you to determine if you are depressed or if you have a chemical imbalance. And sure enough, my doctor didn’t give me a test to determine her findings. She prescribed antidepressants and I’m currently on them and I can tell a difference in how I react to sudden changes and my overall mood is 110% better and my mantra is no longer I HATE MY LIFE.
However, I’m a bit floored right now. I’ve read through a lot of material this morning and I was actually a bit hesitant to even write about this here but writing here has been very good for me. I know that friends and family are reading this and I’m okay with it. I’m finally able to say things I haven’t been able to say before and it’s good for me. I’m not saying that I’m always right or that I really think I just know more than everyone else – I’m just saying that I’m no longer wearing a mask and I’m being real. So in the interest of keeping it real, I’m going to share what I’ve discovered this morning.
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