octolilly [through the years]

Q: What do you put in a toaster?
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A: The answer is bread. If you said “toast,” then give up now and go do something else before you hurt yourself. If you said “bread”, go to the next question.

Q: Say “silk” five times. Now, spell “silk.” What do cows drink?

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A: Cows drink water. If you said “milk”, please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over-stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as “Children’s World.” If you said “water”, then proceed to the next question.

Q: If a red house is made with red bricks, a blue house is made with blue bricks, a pink house is made with pink bricks, a black house is made with black bricks, what is a greenhouse made with?

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A: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said “green bricks,” what the heck are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said “glass”, then go on to the next question.

Q: Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing. Unfortunately, the engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes smack in the middle of “no-man’s-land” between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors – East Germany or West Germany or in “no-man’s-land?”

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A: You don’t, of course, bury the survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated… If you said, “Don’t bury the survivors” then proceed to the next question.

Q: If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute, then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?

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A: One degree. If you said “360 degrees” or anything else other than “one degree”, you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.

Q: Without using a calculator – You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. Now, what was the name of the bus driver?

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A: Oh, for Heaven’s sake… It was you!

1. Have you ever called a radio station? Did you get on air?
I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve called a radio station. As far as talk shows, I’m constantly dying to call but I never get the nerve up.

2. Do you use umbrellas? 

Yes. I have hundreds of them. A red one with tiny daisies, red and white striped, navy and maroon (Go AEO!) striped, solid black, navy, etc.

3. Have you ever had anything published?
Two poems.

4. What vehicle do you drive? 

Hunter green Camry LE. I have a really cute ladybug that hangs from my rearview mirror. Thankfully, I don’t have a tacky pair of dice like some people.

5. Do you like it completely dark when you sleep? Or do you need a nightlight?
Darkness.

6. What are your favorite shoes?
That’s too difficult. I love shoes.

7. Have you ever thrown away coins?
Yes. Pennies are useless. I vacuum them up. Nickels are pretty annoying too. I can’t remember which member of the House proposed a Penny Removal Bill but boy, I wish it had passed.

8. What was the last thing you purchased?
I have no clue.

9. Have you ever toilet-papered something? 

*shaking head* And, I certainly wasn’t with that immature group that damaged Dr. Bob’s house our Senior year.

10. Have you ever been called for jury duty?
Yes. Once. I didn’t get to sit though. *fuss*