Archive for June, 2012

water, arguing, and photoshop.

Thursday, June 28th, 2012

What is your relationship with water? (thunderstorms, lakes, rivers, swimming, boating, sprinklers, etc.) Is it good or bad? What do you think caused this? – Amy

Thunderstorms – I love and highly respect them. I enjoy the intense weather when I feel safe. Daniel likes to have the windows open and stand on the porch and that’s just too much for me. I won’t let Drew play on the porch during a storm. But I absolutely love pouring rain and thunder and watching the lightning dance across the sky.

Lakes, rivers, swimming, boating – We didn’t wear bathing suits in our Fundy circles while growing up so I never learned to swim and generally felt uncomfortable around water. We took an occasional boat ride and waded into the river (in our dresses) if we found ourselves near one but I never felt at ease.

Now that I can make my own choice about a bathing suit, I find that I adore being in water and in the past few years I’ve enjoyed being in the pool or at the lake but I still don’t know how to swim so it’s been low-key.

At some point, I suppose Drew and I both will take swimming lessons. I feel like it’s my duty to make sure my kid can swim but I have to get my nerve up first.

Sprinklers, etc – Who in the world DOESN’T love sprinklers?? The splash pad at Independence Lake (about ten minutes from our place) is a favorite spot and I probably enjoy it just as much as my five-year-old.

When was the last time you got into a heated argument? What’s your conflict style? Avoid, attack, win at all costs, there are no winners? – Kassie

It was pretty recent. My conflict style is LOUD and PASSIONATE and WE ARE GOING TO DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW. I hate when arguments need to end with “well, I suppose we had a miscommunication.” I like it when someone loses and someone wins. I LIKE TO WIN.

Insert maniacal laughter here.

But I can’t hold a grudge at all so it pains me incredibly if arguments last longer than a few hours.

Keep It Real Campaign: Each of us has been personally impacted by photoshopped beauty. Whether it’s through actually consuming the content in these magazines ourselves, or knowing the influence it has over a loved one, we all have a wake-up call to give the industry. Use your voice and write down why you want the industry to “keep it real” in magazines, then: post it on your blog and on our Facebook event wall so we can share it! Tweet it to the magazines and post the link on their Facebook pages! – Keep It Real

I think advertisements are designed to mostly reflect an ideal life-style so when impressionable young people (for the most part) begin to suffer depression when glancing through fashion magazines, yes, something needs to change.

Maybe they need to learn how to identify real photos from photoshopped ones? Or stop reading those kinds of magazines? Or perhaps our culture needs to begin valuing “natural” and “normal” instead of Kim Kardashian. Perhaps knowledge is the best weapon at this point. 

My favorite commentary on photoshop is from Tina Fey: 

You can barely recognize yourself with the amount of digital correction. They’ve taken out your knuckles and given you baby hands. The muscular calves that you’re generally very proud of are slimmed to the bone. And what’s with the eyes? They always get it wrong under the eyes. In an effort to remove dark circles they take out any depth, and your face looks like it was drawn on a paper plate. You looked forward to them taking out your chicken pox scars and broken blood vessels, but how do you feel when they erase part of you that is perfectly good?

We have now entered the debate over America’s most serious and pressing issue: Photoshop.

A lot of women are outraged by the use of Photoshop in magazine photos. I say a lot of women because I have yet to meet one man who could give a fat turd about the topic. Not even a gay man.

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society… unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

Do I think Photoshop is being used excessively? Yes. I saw Madonna’s Louis Vuitton ad and honestly, at first glance, I thought it was Gwen Stefani’s baby.

Do I worry about overly retouched photos giving women unrealistic expectations and body image issues? I do. I think that we will soon see a rise in anorexia in women over seventy. Because only people over seventy are fooled by Photoshop. Only your great-aunt forwards you an image of Sarah Palin holding a rifle and wearing an American-flag bikini and thinks it’s real. Only your uncle Vic sends a photo of Barack Obama wearing a hammer and sickle T-shirt and has to have it explained to him that somebody faked that with the computer.

People have learned how to spot it. Just like how everyone learned to spot fake boobs—look for the upper-arm meat. If If there’s no upper-arm meat, the breasts are fake. Unlike breast implants, which can mess up your health, digital retouching is relatively harmless. As long as we all know it’s fake, it’s no more dangerous to society than a radio broadcast of The War of the Worlds.

Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole. Unfortunately, most people don’t do it well. I find, the fancier the fashion magazine is, the worse the Photoshop. It’s as if they are already so disgusted that a human has to be in the clothes, they can’t stop erasing human features.

“Why can’t we accept the human form as it is?” screams no one. I don’t know why, but we never have. That’s why people wore corsets and neck stretchers and powdered wigs.

If you’re going to expend energy being mad about Photoshop, you’ll also have to be mad about earrings. No one’s ears are that sparkly! They shouldn’t have to be! You’ll have to get mad about oil paintings—those people didn’t really look like that! I for one am furious that people are allowed to turn sideways in photographs! Why can’t we accept a woman’s full width?! I won’t rest until people are only allowed to be photographed facing front under a fluorescent light.

It should absolutely be mandatory for magazines to credit the person who performed the Photoshop work, just like they do the makeup artist and the stylist… in very tiny white print on white paper.

a week of questions.

Monday, June 25th, 2012

Another week has passed but I’m not apologizing for my lack of writing. No, not at all. We aren’t allowed, remember? 🙂

List 5 reasons you shouldn’t bathe for a week. – Katrina

1. After major surgery

2. To win a stinky contest

3. Backpacking (although this would be a situation in which perhaps you couldn’t bathe for a week)

4. The power out for five days (same)

5. Body cast 

Write a memoir of your first date. – Art and Soul

He picked me up in his Jeep and took me to get a milkshake at The Huddle. And then we drove through the mountains. But no date will ever beat the unbelievable audacity of a blind date showing up with a gift of chocolate body powder.

What habit have you acquired that you wish you hadn’t? – Bethany

I could say doughnut runs but I won’t. I just won’t. Because that might mean I’ll feel guilty if I have some tonight. 

List parts of your body or your self that make you feel like “you.” – List Your Self

My trait of good-natured teasing. My problem with knowing when to stop said teasing.

My pointy eye teeth. They used to bother me in high school until my dentist gave me a good talking-to and said I should be proud to have a unique smile. This was before vampires and sparkles so it wasn’t cool. Yet. 

Write about a time you got in trouble with your parents when you were younger. – The Book of Myself

I once tip-toed into my dad’s office and curled up in his leather chair. And then I turned around and began stabbing it with a mechanical pencil. I made holes all over the back of the chair and then snuck out. A few days later, one of my parents felt the top of the chair while talking on the phone and discovered my “art.” I completely ruined his beautiful leather chair.

Yes, you could say that I got in trouble.

catching up on reverb broads.

Wednesday, June 20th, 2012

I’ve spent this past week with Internet outages, lots of car drama, spring cleaning, and making furniture orders. There has been little time to write. But now I’m here with my cup of coffee and I plan to catch up.

In a world filled with more technological distractions than ever before, social networks, smart phones, etc, what strategies do you enforce in your life in order to stay focused on your goals and living life in real-time to the fullest? – Neha

I’m not sure I have any strategies to limit my time with technology other than making sure I spend face-time with the people I love. Hey, unexpected Face-Time pun! 

Our wedding officiator opened our ceremony with a welcome to the marriage of danielbergey.com and aelki.com (those were our respective blogs at the time). My husband and I met through blogging, had blogging friends in the ceremony/attendance, and it well-known that our community of friends had grown by leaps and bounds because of technology.

Daniel’s career means that he is in the Internet World 24/7. My career is being Queen Bee but I navigate through my everyday with the benefit of technology. Every bit of music that I enjoy is through Spotify. I haven’t purchased a CD in probably ten years. I keep track of my budget and health through many different apps. Daniel and I talk to each other throughout the day either online or on our iPhones. I use my Goodreads account religiously. Lately, I’ve been astonished at how much I’m enjoying reading ebooks more than regular books. I plan outings through meetup.com, I read an abundance of sites, I keep up with friends and family through Facebook, and I really can just keep going. I’m a nerd. I love it.

But yes, there are certainly moments when being connected is overwhelming. I think that is human. When I reach that point then I step away. A hot shower in the dark, alone time, a long walk (AUGH NATURE), or a board game with friends (no phones allowed) and I’m ready to delve back in.

Who was your first best friend? – Kristen

Her name was Jana. We were in the 4th grade. I can remember her face and her sweet demeanor but I can’t remember her last name or anything else. I tried to look her up after I got to high school but had no luck.

List all the idiotic things you have done for love. – List Your Self 

My list can be summed up with “ignored my gut feelings over and over.” Well, that, and the whole scenario with packing tape.

What three things do you want more of in your life? What three things do you want less of? – Krissy

1. Knowledge. I have a book on the Ancient World that we recently purchased at a library sale. It’s huge and I want to absorb it all. But I have so many other books to read right now. There are TED talks and the entire iTunes University within my reach but it requires time. Can I wish for more time? It frustrates me that I can’t remember some specifics I studied in high school and college. Now that I feel ready to apply myself better, I can’t get enough knowledge.

2. Healthy choices. I’ve been wavering around 11lbs lost this year and I feel a bit stuck. But better choices with food and exercise would help that.

3. Checking items off on my Mighty Life List

~

1. Stress. Whether it is from finances, parenting, or everyday life – less stress would be better. This often means proper planning and patience. Things I need to work on.

2. Time in between seeing family members. My mom and dad will be here in three weeks and Steve and Cassidy are moving to Ohio soon so they will just be three hours away. We’ll see everyone at Ben and Allyson’s wedding in August too. But normally we only see family members a few times each year and I dislike that.

3. Celebrity gossip. When I’m tired and brain dead I can’t stop reading celebrity gossip. Mostly to judge them. Yes, I’m adorable.

What’s in your garden? – Amy

I do not have a garden but I do have a dream of a secret garden one day. Not for vegetables – just beautiful flowers. I’ve always wanted an outdoor sanctuary.

These pictures are from my secret garden Pinterest board.

Secret garden dreams

How do you define happiness – Dana

When you are laying down, the warmth of the sun feels like a light blanket on your skin, and neither the past nor future really matters because you enjoy the way things are. That is how I feel all the time when I’m happy. – Chico Marx

Being in an atmosphere of growth, feeling good about myself and the life I’m living, and pure contentment. 

Forget the iPhone and iPad. What invention would make your life better? – Niki

Teleportation. Space travel. A robot that cleans up my kitchen after every meal. Resealable cereal bags. Children with volume controls. A shower where I can store my favorite temperature. Ctrl+f for my brain. A robot masseuse. A sonic screwdriver.

memories of my bear.

Wednesday, June 13th, 2012

What was your favorite childhood stuffed animal or toy? Do you still have it? Okay, admit it, do you still sleep with it sometimes? – Kassie

One of my sweet aunts bought me a huge fuzzy bear when I was around five years old. It was an American black bear and large enough that I could curl up with him and his paws wrapped around my shoulders.

I slept with this bear all the way through high school. I cried all over him, punched him when angry, threw him across the room, and generally told him every secret I ever had. The threads that held his nose on started scattering and he began looking a tad bit freaky. I didn’t know how to sew so I would push his nose back into the stuffing and keep practicing my make out skills. 

Eventually, when I found real live people to make out with and I started sharing my heart with those who could respond, my sweet bear went the way of the garbage. 

I hate myself a little because I threw him away. I have these moments where I brashly decide to get rid of things that have sentimental value. It feels brave and grown up and then I wake the next morning feeling fussy. I’m getting better about it.

science saved my soul.

Wednesday, June 13th, 2012

What was the best decision you ever made? – Niki

Even with my hope to keep authenticity alive, I try not to write about too many controversial things here. Octolilly is where I write about the art of my everyday. Or how awesome my kid is. Not where I wince before pressing publish. 

But to answer this question truthfully, I have to breathe deeply and hope you, dear reader, can handle the honesty of my answer. You may not like it, and that’s alright. But please respect it.

The best decision I ever made was walking away from Fundamentalism and religion in general.

At times I close my eyes and venture into the mind of the girl I once was and remember how fearful life without God seemed. I was terrified that on the other side of religion was an unbearable life of confusion and loneliness. It hasn’t been like that at all. 

In fact, you might say, science saved my soul.