After reading Sean’s post on ABA concerning online friendships, many thoughts crossed my mind. In the past year, I have gained many online friendships (most through blogging and a few through some rather odd circumstances that I’ll never share with a soul…hehe, you know who you are) and I cherish these friends. It’s a common idea among some people that you can’t truly know an online friend. They insist that real life friends are more important. But in my experience, that isn’t true. Getting to know someone online takes a lot of talent as well…unless you solely use the phrases “asl” “got a pic” “got a boyfriend/girlfriend.” When I get that type of mess I merely ignore them. If you are going to IM me then by all means have something interesting to say. Is that too harsh? Some “first chats” hit it off very well and you are pleasantly surprised at the quick familiarity. However, there are some first chats that need a bit of help. I suggest the following:
1. Ask them what their first name is. If it’s pretty normal then you can move on to the next question. However, one could always discuss why that name was chosen, what it means, etc.
2. Find out what area or region they live in. If you are part of the I’m-terrified-that-I’m-talking-to-a-Chainsaw-Maniac-Crowd, then just vaguely discuss this question. You can talk about how long they have lived there, what they enjoy/hate about the area, etc.
3. Discuss where/if they work. Again, one needn’t mention the name, address and phone number of your business but it’s a good idea to find out who they make their living.
4. Ask about the places where they have traveled. You may find out that they make an annual trip to Morocco to watch bull-fighting or something equally as exciting.
5. Interests. Perhaps they grunt, watch football, and drink beer on the weekends, or maybe you will meet someone who is playing a part in The Nutcracker and wearing a 15 foot long skirt. Interests can be a thrilling and somewhat scary topic to discuss.
6. Lastly, you should find out if they have any specific ideas about life. Religion, abortion, saving gay baby whales hooked on crack, etc.
Anywho, back to online friendships. The ability to hide behind the Internet makes it much easier to be completely open. There is none of the awkward-sitting-across-the-table-talking (while playing chess with the salt and pepper shakers). But, being so open can be dangerous at times as well. One must learn to be perceptive, polite, and pleasant. Pleasant doesn’t really fit there but I needed one more “p” word.
You may not realize this but there are stages to an online friendship as well. This is different than the simple online acquaintance.
1. Chat buddy. You both IM each other daily or as much as possible.
2. Then you exchange email addy’s. Occasionally these two steps are reversed.
3. Hark! One of you expresses interest in talking on the phone. Keep in mind, talking on the phone doesn’t mean that you have a romantic interest in each other. It’s merely the next step in friendship. *note* some friendships go no farther than Step One and Step Two. That’s perfectly fine.
4. *Drum roll* You decide to meet each other. This is a rather large step. Of course, if 30 minutes is the only distance between you then it may not seem like such a big deal. However, if 13 hours are keeping you apart then this step may seem like a large one.
The intimidating idea of meeting an online friend in person stems from the fact that you have pre-conceived ideas about that person. Don’t even try to tell me that you don’t. I have pre-conceived ideas about each of you…and some of them are probably far from reality. When meeting each other, you have to drop all of that and balance what you thought with what is reality. And sometimes you are disappointed. I suppose in some ways meeting each other can be a test of the friendship. However, not all online friendships even meet that point.
Okay…I think that’s enough rambling about this topic.