Archive for July, 2003

a letter.

Tuesday, July 29th, 2003

Dear Jenn, 

We regret to inform you that Victoria ceased publication with the June 2003 issue. The balance of your subscription is being transferred to HEALTH, the magazine that teaches you the power of living well. 

Sincerely, 

Customer Service

~~

Dear Customer Service, 

As pleased as I am with your concern for my well being, I am quite upset that you have taken the liberty to change my subscription to HEALTH. Perhaps you think I need effective fitness schedules and healthy recipes, but will you have French models posing in French gardens? Nay. Will you show your readers the latest fad in hats? My doubt is high. I suspect you will not interview authors or show the architectural plans for castles in Scotland. Please send me a refund for the remainder of my subscription, for I am severely disappointed in your behavior. Wicked people!

Sincerely, 

Jenn

made for this.

Saturday, July 26th, 2003

From my tower, I can watch the sunset every night. Orange and gold bounce into my room and dance across the carpet as the moon begins her wooing. 

My bookshelves are brimming and my nightstand is full of treasures waiting to be read. I burn Yankee candles every night. I have fresh, sweet tea often. My family laughs, teases, and tickles more than any I know. I have the ability to lift a flute to my lips and play a melody. I have witnessed the stark white gown of a best friend while she clung to her groom. My heart has danced with glee to find out a childhood friend has been a daddy for a total of two days. The beginning of this new chapter in my life looks grand and adventuresome. I have a blessed life. 

Yet, with such blessings, I have a longing. Do you ever find yourself watching the fading day with a wistful heart? Do you ever feel that your senses cannot quite capture life, completely? Do you ever have moments of bliss- while hearing your soul whisper you were made for this?

My longing is for something I cannot describe, something I have never seen, and the ache for it is larger than life sometimes. 

I tasted the longing while on my senior retreat. It was almost midnight in the hills of North Carolina, as over a hundred girls gathered around a fire. One friend was fingering the strings of her guitar as our voices slowly began to harmonize. We sang of our Redeemer, of the One who gave His all, and we sang of going home. 

Heaven is the ache in my heart.

missing mom.

Friday, July 25th, 2003

Whew. You do not know what panic is until you have searched the entire house for your mother and cannot find her anywhere. My dad got home about 9:15 tonight and asked where mom was. I glanced up from the computer screen and told him that she was probably downstairs in the living room. Dad gave me a strange look. 

When we finally realized that if she left for her walk at 6pm she most certainly would have been back by now- we proceeded to rummage all over our house, in the garage, on the deck, in the flowerbeds (perhaps she was weeding) and still could not find her anywhere. Dad decided to head down the road near our very strange neighbors house. They are scary, collect weird lawn equipment, and never cut their grass so I think that is why he headed that way first. I began running through the grass towards my grandmothers. I was barefoot, panicky, and panting. Dad and I met back near our mailbox with a mom-missing-while-we-search-neighborhood-report and both of us had sick looks on our faces.

That is when I heard her high-pitched giggle coming across the valley. Dad and I both slowly began walking towards where Jon lives. Yup, she was standing on the front porch chatting with his mom. Goodness, it was pitch black and way too late to be out rummaging through the neighborhood. Her walks normally only last for an hour, but she was gone forever and we just got worried as pie.

finished.

Thursday, July 24th, 2003

A little bit of rain is splattering against the windows, which fits perfectly with confetti falling down all night.

Other than working on my archives, and figuring out why every post but my current one has lowercase font, I am done with this layout. Whew.

sweet sleep.

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003

Perhaps you have been productive, but I have courted sleep all day. Our rendezvous last night was shorter than usual and so with each step through the house today, my name was whispered in a low, passionate voice. A little nap turned into a 3-hour tryst and my body succumbed quickly. 

Sleep certainly is a drug.