octolilly [through the years]

I finished reading The Kindness of Strangers by Katrina Kittle yesterday. It is absolutely one of the most powerfully written novels I’ve ever read. I was glued to each page and wept for hours after finishing the book.

The story is about a young widow named Sarah who is mother of two boys and lives in a normal neighborhood, on a quiet street, next door to her best friend’s family. Without warning, a shocking allegation of sexual abuse rips apart her best friend’s family and Sarah becomes a foster mother to her best friend’s child.

Overnight, friendships change, anger rolls through the neighborhood as folks gossip relentlessly without considering the damage, children are confused with what to believe and how to share their fears, and one little boy carries the burden of a dark and dangerous side to his family. I loved how the author captured the pain each person was feeling and told the story from their particular point of view as they all learned that the power of love can teach you to forgive and how to heal.

It struck a chord deep within as it brought back the dark memories of my own childhood and the awful games I was pressured to play by a girl not much older than me. Two years ago, when I finally found my voice and was able to talk about the abuse, a song that helped the process of healing was Cry No More by KJ-52

The song tells a similar story of a young boy who is molested and bottles up the pain, blocks the memories, and pretends to be okay while slowly hardening his heart. But one day he finally cries out to God for help and begins to learn how God truly loves him and wants to teach him the power of love and how to forgive and experience peace in his soul.

While driving through the the country this morning, and wiping tears of frustration and anger, I waited until Drew was asleep in his car-seat and then turned up the music as I thought on all that seems so wrong right now. I haven’t been on my depression medicine for over a week, I’m PMSing, and Daniel and I have been fighting horribly for the past two days about things that frankly, don’t matter. Even though I want to believe they DO matter. I woke up with a headache this morning that I knew immediately was caffeine related. I’d had tea yesterday and I could feel my body shrieking I NEED MORE…so I got more this morning. And as I drove and drank what is pretty much poison for my body, I could feel relief and at the same time a horrible guilt sweet over me. I know I’m making the situation worse. But that’s another battle for another day.

Between the country roads, and the music, and the silent prayers, I decided I need to get back on the medicine, I need to make better choices about food and treat Daniel more kindly, and then suddenly…Cry No More started playing. The tears started flowing even more as I reflected on suddenly how these small things don’t really matter. It brought back the book I’d just finished reading and my own journey through this type of pain and my silly frustration with life seemed to slowly fade away.

What matters is that there are children (and even adults) who are being abused in so many ways all over the world – right this minute. They need help, they need saving, they need someone to reach out and ask if they are alright. They need observant friends and family who can spot something going wrong right away. And we all need God to sweep through our souls and teach us wisdom in dealing with these situations, forgiveness, and to show us sweet healing that will take away the darkest pain.