octolilly [through the years]

Beth Moore says, I just don’t understand a God like ours. Isn’t it enough that He pulls a life out a pit? Why would He also go to the long-term trouble to teach that messed up child to walk a healthier path – even when it was two steps forward and one step back? And why would He care enough to rebuild a broken mind, one patient piece at a time?

I’m learning to be less selfish on this healthier path. I’m an only child trying to mesh with a boy who is use to fair-and-square with siblings. I rearrange furniture creatively and based on how I feel. He likes to analyze and measure and plan it all out. I like to change my mind at the last minute. He likes to Stick To The Plan. When I’m frustrated, I like to walk away and just change the subject. Or hide. But he wants to talk. I’ve always had a hard time with that.

The ups and downs are little too frequent and yet I’m hoping that it is at least a continuous uphill struggle. A healthier path. It has taken a few heartaches, harsh words and a lot of tears. But this is all about a new beginning and about two hearts becoming one.

But as I sit on the couch tonight, watching Daniel playing the guitar and singing – I know all is well.

After getting two rebates back from HP and Staples, I bought a lovely L-shaped desk for my living room. I finally have room to get things done.

In one weekend of driving, driving, and driving- Daniel is finally here. Permanently. Finally. Tim and Steve accompanied us on the trip down and quite a few memories were made.

There was an Almost Blogger Meeting/Reunion in the middle of Washington-Dulles a few weeks ago. Jason & Paulo were in the area right when I was flying in and Daniel and I almost made a last-minute dash to make the meeting. Unfortunately, it couldn’t work out. There will be a next time.

Jon invited a group of us to Haus Edelweiss for free food (as long as we listened to a five minute presentation from a Financial Planner with American Express) and it quickly turned into a Who-Uses-Linux and Who-Knows-Where-To-Find-Free-Wi-Fi discussion (down at the gas station on the corner).

I celebrated my 24th birthday on April 22. Although I was in Baltimore, I got the sweetest phone calls, a lovely birthday breakfast (complete with singing), some beautiful gifts, and an iPod (from the boy).

In an unprecedented event, Easley now has a classy, chic coffeehouse. When you step through their front door, it feels like the set of Friends has smacked you in the face. The long couch, hardwood floors, coffee table, large mugs, etc. I’m spending quite a bit of quality time there.

The last time we spoke was about a year ago. And in the passing months, I’ve felt as though I had gained a painful, but true understanding that some paths are never meant to cross again. What hurt bitterly was that I was never able to tell my story. But putting that aside, I chose to move on. And then today, our paths collided.

I was rounding the corner out of my office, busy reading some reports. And in less than five minutes, I was reminded of why it’s best why some paths should never meet again.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable…The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers…of love is Hell. (C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves)

In two days (and 22 hours), I’m going to be dragging my bags through Washington-Dulles to meet the man who has chosen to love me no matter the pieces that may break. This weekend is The Move. If only the days would spin quickly to that meeting.

When the choices of our days begin to fill in the details.