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here grows a bountiful harvest.

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008

Days have passed since Thanksgiving but I’m just now able to chronicle the stories as I’m struggling each day just to breathe. I feel so sick and I’m exceptionally ready to feel healthy and energetic.

We made fun memories as my family traveled here from South Carolina and as we all gathered in Maryland for a feast. It was lovely to be with them all but my being sick certainly made this particular Thanksgiving a bit less enjoyable.

I wasn’t my normal shutterbug self either. It’s hard to take pictures when you are sick. So, my mom sweetly shared her pictures with me.

After sleeping in on Friday morning, we went to Cracker Barrel for lunch and of course, Drew put on a show for everyone. Including the waitress.

My cute little boy is also using a Big Boy straw now.

This weekend he also started talking in sentences occasionally. He says, “turn music iPod on” and “all done.” If I ask him “where’s the moon” he giggles and repeats the question in his little tiny voice. “Where’s the moon? Right there!”

He also finally managed to say Grammy. Which thrilled my mom to no end.

We all headed to the glorious park nearby and spent some time scampering about in the cold. With our cameras.

I have to say that our visit with my parents was absolutely wonderful. It was so good to see them (I ran squealing into the driveway when they arrived) and I was teary when they left.

Drew loved playing with them and he ran around mentioning Grammy and Pop-Pop as often as he could.

They brought Drew his tiny soft football pillow that we’d left in South Carolina and he has fallen in love with it all over again.

Mom and Dad left on Saturday morning and for most of the weekend we all caught up on rest. I’ve spent most of my time on the couch or in bed. I want to go outside and run around with Drew but it’s so cold and that’s really the last thing I need on my lungs.

It wasn’t until Sunday that I started really slowing down mentally and pondering the bountiful harvest that I do have. For about a week I’ve been in a dark funk. To say I’ve been depressed is putting it mildly. I’ve discovered I have a streak of jealousy in me that is horribly embarrassing and I’ve been a bit overwhelmed at how to deal with it.

I haven’t been very contended lately. I’m still struggling with faith and church. And I also feel like the biggest frump in the world. My hair is annoying me, I have been gaining instead of losing, and I think I need to address the serious problem of my having very few clothes in my closet. I am always willing to pay money for Drew to have clothes, I love to give gifts, and I don’t mind buying things for the house and of course I’ll pay for anything book-related or computer-related. If we have the money, that is. But I NEVER buy clothes for myself. NEVER. It always feels selfish. But I think I need to buy clothes.

But this weekend, in my sick state, I found myself reading French Women Don’t Get Fat while curled up under the covers. I’ve had the book since last Christmas but had just assumed it was another diet book and haven’t really paid any attention to it.

Oh my word. I was so wrong. So freaking wrong. Reading this book inspired me so much and encouraged me out of my frump in the most amazing ways. I haven’t been feeling very beautiful lately at all and after finishing this book, I felt my self-confidence rising deliciously and I’ve been so much more cheerful.

I’m falling in love with food. And realizing that delicious food is wonderful and OKAY. It’s just learning the art of balancing wonderful food and life. I’m aching to buy pretty things, finally get my hair cut, and secretly falling in love with all things French.

We watched Babette’s Feast (which made me cry because it was so beautiful and so relevant to my life) and French Kiss (Meg Ryan was a little weird in this role but Kevin Kline as Luc Teyssier was spot on) and now I’m longing to watch Amélie. I just can’t find it. Fuss.

So, on Sunday, I started coming alive again and pondering the harvest around me. I truly am blessed. I have so many riches. And now I long for my heart to learn gratefulness.

Posted in Family, The Everyday | Comments Closed

baby it’s cold outside.

Tuesday, November 25th, 2008

Drew and I are both sick right now. Really bad colds and horrid coughing. I’m hoping we will be over it before tomorrow night when my parents arrive.

Yesterday evening Daniel and I were planning on watching Chuck (please don’t tell me how it turned out!) but even though I had already tucked Drew in for the night he kept wiggling about (even while sick) and we could hear him shaking his entire crib. He stands at one and scrunches down a little and then slams his bottom into the side of the crib and says WHEEEE! So, we scooted upstairs to play with him so he could get some energy out. We thought we’d be back to watch Chuck before it started.

But playing with Drew turned into an all out FUN WAR. So, we missed Chuck. But the Fun War was wiggly! Drew hid in his closet and Daniel and I sat on the floor in the room repeatedly asking each other “Um, so where is DREW? Seriously, like, WHERE IS DREW?” And then suddenly Drew would swish the curtain in front of his closet aside and squeak out a little “peeeeek!”

At one point Daniel asked me, “so, is this what you do all day long? Just roughhouse on the floor and play and giggle?”

Um. Yes. Is that a problem?

Drew also likes to hide under his crib. I finally put the bed skirt on it and that has made it even more fun. He scoots underneath and plays with a few toys and then eventually pokes his head out from the bed skirt and shouts “BOOOOO!”

At one point last night, all three of us had our heads underneath his crib. It was really odd but funny. I’m sure Drew was a little freaked out. I mean, he can fit his entire self underneath the crib but Mommy and Daddy just had their HEADS floating there.

We finally crashed and went to sleep. I remember Daniel trying to say something to me before we went to bed but I went into I’m-a-zombie-leave-me-alone sleep mode where in three seconds I take all my clothes off, sometimes remember to put my pajamas on, and fall into my pillow with a “gooooooniiit dannnnnl.” I’m completely asleep within 5 seconds.

And then our roles are reversed in the morning.

I wake up and I feel happy and wiggly and OH IT IS TUESDAY HELLO TUESDAY! Daniel, meanwhile, is hiding underneath his pillow and it takes me forty-five minutes just to get him to open one eye.

Drew and I still seem to be feeling sickly this morning and now I’m second guessing whether I should rake leaves today. With this cold weather and potential snow sprinkles, I’m guessing my cold will not get better if I inhale cold air for awhile. But I really don’t want lumpy leaves underneath the snow. If we get some.

Meh. I feel so sick. So I may wait.

But I must away now because I have clothes to fold and a kitchen to sweep and a tiny little boy who is dashing about carrying two orange gourds and shouting “PUNKIN!” I don’t have the heart to tell him they aren’t pumpkins.

Posted in Drew, The Everyday | Comments Closed

sometimes starting over is better than persevering.

Monday, November 24th, 2008

While delving into Brian McLaren’s A Generous Orthodoxy, I am encouraged to find that someone else has put into words what I’ve been feeling lately.

Writing for me has always been a way of discovery and questioning: I write not to stop my mind from thinking, but because I can’t stop it. Writing (whether in a journal, in an e-mail, on a Web site, or through an article, book, or sermon) at least produces some fruit from the labor of compulsive thinking.

Posted in The Everyday | Comments Closed

the advent conspiracy and brownies.

Sunday, November 23rd, 2008

I love lazy Sunday evenings when the sun sets and the thoughts of the new week start swirling. There’s just enough time to enjoy one last weekend hurrah (like a movie or cooking brownies) before crawling into bed.

Yet, we have no movie tonight and I still haven’t convinced my husband to go buy some brownie mix from the store. I’m hoping that he will give in because I’m cute and sweet and willing to rub his feet for thirty minutes before we go to sleep. Seriously, how can he resist?

We had our second “walking on new legs” service at Engage this morning and in my opinion it went really well. Of course there are practical and logistical things we are still working out but the heart and soul of the people continues to be boldly reaching for those who either see no need at all for some guy named Jesus or those who have been deeply hurt by religious people.

The theme of our gathering today was a gentle reminder of the danger in the commercial extravaganza of the holidays. Not necessarily preaching fussily about how we need to “keep Christ in Christmas” and boycotting local stores who choose to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas (I really could care less)…but instead focusing on ourselves who often become burdened more with debt, who stress out, and whose children are watching with wide eyes as we display before them our celebration of the birth of our Savior.

We were all introduced to the Advent Conspiracy this morning.

Isn’t that amazing?

The concept behind all of this is to worship fully, spend less, give more, and love all.

This has really spoken to us. In our FPU plan, we only have so much money set aside for Christmas anyway and have already said that we simply will not go into more debt to give folks gifts they won’t even remember next year.

Embracing the Advent Conspiracy for us is to join with others in spreading the story of Christ this season not with a swipe of a card but in reaching our hands out to those around us. That doesn’t mean we won’t be spending money. 😉 It just means we will be creative this year in using our time and talents as well as cash.

We are very excited about the upcoming Car Winterization in Carlisle. That will be a wonderful way to reach out to those around us.

And I’ve decided that I’ve had enough with the gargantuan amount of brand new children’s clothes that I’ve been hoarding for way too long. So, I’m giving them away this season. I have a friend coming to browse for her three kids on Wednesday and then I’m taking the rest to a local shelter. There are certainly children who need clothes and I’ve been sitting on over 400 brand new complete outfits for two years.

I’m still racking my brain to think of creative ways to give of our time and talents. We don’t have a lot of money to spread around. But Rethinking Christmas is where I’m currently hanging out to get ideas.

I am really grateful that we are starting this tradition before Drew has formed any real memories of Christmas. He was just nine months old last Christmas so this year will be the first time where he can comprehend what is going on.

So, hop on board with the Advent Conspiracy. 🙂

I’m going to go now because we have one more James Bond movie to catch up on (we’ve been watching all of the old ones through OnDemand with Comcast) and I’m waiting on my brownies to finish cooking. While I was writing this post, Daniel scooted to the store for me. Such a sweet husband indeed.

Posted in The Everyday, The Journey | Comments Closed

please reconcile.

Tuesday, November 18th, 2008

I’m choosing to ignore the state of this blog at the moment (I’ve been attempting to clean up errors, edit some wacky php, and organize it better), and write about something that has been on my heart all day long and is quite time sensitive.

Today is the deadline for adding your name to the open letter being sent to the leadership of Bob Jones University in regards to their past racial policies. I signed this letter several months ago and I sincerely urge you to sign the letter.

There are many of us who have differing views on BJU right now. Some completely hate anything and everything to do with the University. Others are nonchalant. And some are quite pleased and grateful to be apart of the BJU circle right now. No matter what your current relationship with the school is like, I believe you have an obligation to view the documents, learn the story, and weep for those whose only view of the Christian faith has been through these particular stories of racism.

Even since I’ve moved to Pennsylvania, I’ve met a few people who immediately upon hearing that I graduated from BJU questioned me harshly on whether I was racist. That’s really heart-wrenching to experience.

All we are asking the University to do is to simply acknowledge the mistakes that were made so there can be reconciliation.

If you simply “don’t want to get involved” or don’t want your name to publicly be attached to a criticism of the University, then spend some time pouring through the archives of Please Reconcile and read the stories of how racial discrimination has broken hearts even after the ban was lifted.

Here are others who have written a considerable bit more than I have:

A Time to Laugh
Karagraphy
Broken Silence
Where do the Mermaids Stand
And So It Goes
Unmeasured Grace
The Savage’s Lair

Also, the Facebook group.