Without realizing it, I recently wrote a bit more than I should have. I suppose we all have moments when we are terribly excited about something New in Life and getting “carried away” seems exceptionally easy.
Thankfully, someone mentioned it to me this evening and so I did a bit of house cleaning with my archives. Hopefully, it’s all taken care of and all is well.
After all, it’s either “feel terribly awkward, and take a hiatus” or “say hello to new readers, and keep writing.”
So, hello.
I whispered a goodbye last night. And as I slipped through the glass doors at GSP, I felt the drops begin to hit my face. Those passing by couldn’t see the tears through the rain.
Although saying goodbye was exceedingly hard, my tears weren’t of loneliness. As I sidestepped the large puddles, I was overwhelmed at the realization of where I’ve been and where I am now. What the past year has held, and the grace and mercy I’ve been given.
My mom said it best the other night. “When you place God in the middle, He can make it amazing.” I think that’s where I find myself tonight. Amazed.
And as God so often does, He threw another whirlwind into my life today. Something unexpected. And all I can do is offer it back to Him and watch Him work.
While in the shower, promptly decide that the showerhead is one of those types that have different water sprays. And because you are extremely tired from stuffing yourself with turkey on yesterday, and because you laughed your head off for two hours last night because family is wonderful and quite hilarious at times, you suddenly lose common sense.
And begin to twist on the showerhead with wild abandon, in hopes of finding either a more gentle rinse or a concentrated power spray.
Become furious and quite frustrated that it isn’t working, and begin to twist even more furiously.
Suddenly feel the drenching waterpower as you stand there, holding the showerhead in one hand and attempting to cover your face from the FLOW OF THE COLORADO RIVER with your other hand.
And then, because you have nothing else exciting to do this morning, attempt to put the showerhead back on the nozzle while the water is still pouring out furiously.
Yes, now I’m awake.
I.am.so.tired.
Today was Moving Day. Complete with drama and excitement. Especially when I ran to Lowe’s for some last minute items. [Sidenote: Oh, how I love Lowe’s.]
Anyway, I was standing in line, minding my own business- when I felt something tap my head. I thought hmm, must be someone I know. But when I turned around it was an odd man standing there with a Very Long Piece of Molding. He tapped my head with it once more and then said, “giddyup!”
I wasn’t quite sure whether to laugh, imitate a horse, or be offended. So I just smiled. Terribly odd, yes?
In between slicing bananas (to eat with peanut butter), and listening to my dad shoot a large possum on my deck, I talked with an old friend tonight. Well, talked a bit. But I mostly listened.
This person has seen a side of Christianity that would make your skin crawl. He’s been down roads that would make you blush. Been hurt in such a way that the “family of God” has become a laughing matter to him instead of a comfort. Perhaps some of you would be too uncomfortable to hear his rants. To listen to his stories.
But there is something wild and gravely familiar in his voice. Our stories are unbelievably close. We compare notes and I groan at the realization that someone else will be facing the Reaping Days. And tonight, he seemed restless. Moved. Hungry. Aching for the God he knows is real. And yet frustrated with so much.
I wish with all of my heart that I could tell him to fling everything away and that if he throws himself upon the Arms that all of his pains, fears, and troubles will disappear. But he knows better. And so do I. All I know to do is to whisper that God is real. That God is Love. The real kind. Unlike the type that promises a Great Night and Glory Upon Glory. That finding rest will require dying to self. That it all takes time.
A. W. Tozer once said, “Thirsty hearts are those whose longings have been wakened by the touch of God within them.”
Sometimes finding yourself with a thirsty heart is the best place to be.