octolilly [through the years]

Your heart doesn’t expect it and the bitter stinging of tears does nothing to wash away the dreadful ache within. How do you reach out and beg someone’s forgiveness? Any words said thus far have been nothing but helpful and I hesitate to spill my heart anymore. My unguarded places feel vulnerable.

I think my hunger to share my soul is somewhat dangerous.

When it rains or it shines on this pillow of mine
I will lift up my head to the sky
So I have chance to see
Where my hope has come from
Know there’s nothing that I can’t abide

When nothing satisfies You
Hold my hand 

It’s a choice. Admist laughter, tears, and praying…I found it.

If missing hell is our only goal, how pleasing to God are we?

Do you ever become intoxicated with life? I often become consumed with all that I have to do. There are errands to run, papers to write, exams to study for, a play to direct, songs to practice, phone calls to make, emails to write…and I become focused on the shallowness of life. It is sad to realize but I am repeatedly moved by my needs and desires instead of by the Maker of the universe. Oh, Lord…you understand that I have these responsibilities. I’ll make more time for You next week. Perhaps I’ll even pray for an hour every morning and read five chapters instead of two. I just need this time for me. I’m sure you will identify with my struggle here. And I live my life…ignoring the fact that Christ should be what motivates and drives the things in my life instead of the other way around.